I’m hope you all did notice the pictures I managed to get posted on here from time to time. Vacation was great. It was relaxing and fun and an escape from the realities of life for a while. On our last day there we received very sad news though. Chris’ 26 year old nephew was found dead in his apartment. So the day after our vacation we made another long trip to St. Louis for a funeral. Funerals have become a strange part of my life. Each one is different but all are the same. Some are truly celebrations and some are a gut wrenching goodbyes. This one was the later. It’s so hard to accept a life being taken at such a young age.
Anyway we ended missing more days than planned from work so we had a lot of making up to do. Plus my youth trip was in just 3 weeks after we returned. This was a vacation of a different sort. I knew there would be a lot of work involved. I took 5 of the youth on a mission retreat. It was an eye opening experience that changed the way we all think about our living conditions and how we take for granted the things we have. And how we have so much more than we NEED… It was an amazing 5 days filled with God’s presence…. I was so proud of the kids. Most of these kids aren’t accustomed to doing any physical labor but they gave it everything they had and loved every minute of serving others. We came back with a new perspective on being a true servant of God and putting others before yourself. The camp was callSIFAT or Servants in Faith And Technology…
Little did I know but another death was just around the corner… The day after we left St. Louis for Chris’ nephews funeral his father went to the doctor and was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. 7 weeks later he died while we were all there surrounding him at home. Another funeral…. I could say more but I’m not going to at this time….
And now for the biggest transition in my life of course. The failure of my marriage. In the end both had faults and both made mistakes. We’ve tried living together and temporarily being apart. We’ve been angry and sad and bitter and sorry… I’ve been to therapy and he’s been to the bottle. And now, this week, Chris is moving into an apartment. Everyone knows… the kids, family, church, and friends. It’s official. Divorce has been mentioned but no decisions on that yet. I hate myself for allowing this to happen to my marriage. I’ve let my family down. I’ve failed God. I know I’ll get through this and maybe someday even be happy again but right now I don’t feel like I deserve it. Through all my tragedies and losses this is the most heartbreaking to me.
I don’t mean to worry you all. This is the just the place I am right now. I’m still going to church and still trusting in my Savior.. That’s why I know it will be ok one day… I’ll try to update on more of the day to day things and even the little things in life that give me joy so you can see that I am alright.. Just sad. Thanks to everyone who has continued praying and checking in on me… Love to you all.
